Mark
Lennox was caught in the act of the most
henious of crimes, the callous nicking
of a Pint of Milk from outside of a shop
in the town of Sevenoaks in the early hours
of a Saturday morning.
After forgetting to turn up to a previous
bail hearing on account of the fact that
he, like all Dairy thefting criminals was
sunning himself on a beach in Miami. Here
for the first time is the shocking true
story of his bail return in all its glory.
True events of the bail return. The crown
v's Mark Lennox
8.00pm: - enter police
station
Conversation
with Policewomen on reception
Policewomen: - "Hello Sir can I help
you? (Said in a very polite and courteous
manner")
Me: "Yes thank you, I'm here on
Bail"
Policewomen: "Oh I see, you'd better
wait over there"!!!! (Manner totally
changed to an aggressive and authoritative
as she realised she was fraternising with
a known criminal)
8:30pm: taken in to
main police station where I was formally
told I was not going to be charged with
jumping bail earlier this month - touch!
At this point I was also advised as to
the chain of events that would be occurring
and advised to basically cough to get a
caution.
9.00pm: After plenty
of waiting around and reading my December
copy of FHM (which I was accused of reading
a porno) I was led into an interview room
escorted by 3 police officers.
9:20pm: Interview finished
and complete waste of my time. I basically
admitted to the theft of a bottle of milk
8 times and said I just wanted to get out
of there. Unfortunately for me there was
a junior officer in the room who had to
be shown the ropes and everything was done
by the book. This of course meant it took
twice as long!
9:45pm: Fingerprinted,
DNA taken and picture taken (fortunately
I had a suntan!)
10:15pm: Police Junior
had to fill in a form with all my personal
details. The highlights are as follows:
Junior Policeman: "First name"?
Me: "Mark"
Junior Policeman: "Surname"?
Me: "Don't you already have this
information"?
Junior Policeman: "Don't get funny!
Surname"?
Me: "Lennox"
Junior Policeman: "Middle Name"?
Me: "******" (not telling
you, you bunch of tossers!)
